Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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