Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
