Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
