I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
