you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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