is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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