Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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