Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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