would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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