My sheets look like a crime scene.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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