I showed him my bush... on skype.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
