I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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