How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
