Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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