and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
