Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
