He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize