In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
