Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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