just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish you could order shots online.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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