my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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