at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
