She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
