So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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