sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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