uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
