a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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