guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
