Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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