I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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