You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
