Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
