I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
