I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Every concussion has its silver lining
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
