Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my shit smells like andre
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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