I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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