I cannot find my penis.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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