dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
