I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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