break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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