Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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