Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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