You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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