My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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