just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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