So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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