peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have post one night stand depression
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
