I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize