dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I could fuck to npr.
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