if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
