It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
