her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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