Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
