tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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