I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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