As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
