every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
