how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
