paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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