someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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