If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I deserve this hangover.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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