i wish my penis had a tongue
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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