it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
