OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
