If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize