Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
