Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
