in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
