did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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