So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
