i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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