i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He felt like a one man threesome
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize