I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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