Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
