Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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