just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
