i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
