You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
