"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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