I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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