Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
