I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
