Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
