Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
