I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
