This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
