This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
