Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
