I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
