people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I won the penis lottery.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
