we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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