If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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