Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
