but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
