I heard we made out
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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