Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
