a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
