I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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