ugly people sure do ruin things
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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