everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
