Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
