I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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