Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
