i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
