It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
