My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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